New Scratch Off Cards Online!

Our super amazing scratch off cards are now online in the gift ideas section. These are just like the lottery scratchers you see in the supermarket but instead of cash you can give your date cute gifts, romantic experiences, intimate encounters, or whatever else comes to mind! I went ahead and designed a few cards and games to play – two are the random "scratch a box and win that prize" games while the others let the player press their luck and make some decisions. I have a few more ideas for games and those cards will probably make their way online in the next week or so. Regardless of the theme, these are definitely a fun way to give a gift, one that I guarantee your date hasn’t done before.

The scratch offs page has print quality pdfs for all of the designs, so you only have to print them out and then apply a scratch off sticker that you can find online for pretty cheap or at a local printing supply store. I had a good time putting these together, I hope you also have a good time customizing and giving them out.

New Section Online!

Some of you have been wondering where I’ve been since the site hasn't been updated in almost 3 weeks. Get this, I've actually been working. No kidding. Take a look at the top menu bar and you'll see a link to a whole new section – Dating Advice! It's designed so that you can ask whatever dating and relationship questions that come to mind and get advice from other users just like you.

Right now it's designed so that anyone can ask and answer questions without needing to create accounts and I'm hoping it'll stay that way. Of course the reality of internet life these days is that sleazy spammers will try their best to pollute the section, but I will try to keep it open and accessible for as long as possible. (er, I just re-read this and didn't mean to imply that it won't be open. Even if I have to put accounts together they'll be free)

Because it's new I know some of you will probably come across glitches and errors. If you do, please take a minute to send me a message (contact link at bottom of page) so that I can get the issues resolved quickly. Also, all feedback and suggestions from users are appreciated!

I know you're going to say "But it's empty!" and well, that's why it's designed for you to quickly ask any questions that come to mind. Go give it a try and see what you think.

How Not to Drive Him Away

The beginning of a relationship can make you feel like you're on top of the world, but be careful because this high can also cause you to make some relationship-ending mistakes. These are some of the things that can throw a bucket of cold water on a budding romance:

Too Much Contact
He may be thinking about you all day but that doesn't mean he wants to hear from you all day. Excessive texting is by far the most damaging of all forms of early communication. The first few you send will be cute, but by the 7th "What are you doing?" of the day, he will be annoyed. Don't give me that look, you know you've done it. The same goes for emails and calls - less is definitely more. Remember that guys like a challenge, and when you're bothering him all day you're no longer one.

Not Having your Own Life
I cannot tell you how many women I've known who want to do stuff with their new boyfriend ALL THE TIME. Some even get a little put off when he makes plans to just do things with friends and go so far as to shoehorn their way into the plans, which not only makes him feel suffocated but also turns the poor guy into the jackass who brought his girlfriend along. Girls, guys need time alone with their friends to do guy stuff. This is not personal and in no way means he doesn't like you. One more time, this has nothing to do with you. If you really want to raise his interest, keep doing things with your friends like you did before he came along. He'll respect that you have a life and will make an effort to be part of it.

Being a Cop
You're not his mother and you're not a cop so don't try to keep tabs on where he's been and what he'll be doing. He has a life, you have a life, he'll tell you the interesting parts later. And don't go snooping through his Facebook friends, car, closets, medicine cabinet, or anywhere else for clues about what makes him tick. If he catches you doing this he will think you're a crazy stalker. And he will be right.

Being a Princess
I know you girls are bombarded with the princess fantasy ever since you're old enough to get plopped in front of your first Disney DVD, but let me share a little secret - I've never met a single guy in my entire life who wants to date a princess. To us princesses are high-maintenance, high-drama, pains in the ass. We would much rather spend time with someone who's mellow, flexible, and can relax enough to fit in with our friends.

Going too Fast
I remember dating a girl who, through some tricky wordplay, basically forced me to admit that she was my girlfriend one morning before I'd gotten my wits about me. We'd only been going out for a few weeks and I was like "Sure, I guess..." to which she got really excited, like it was a legally-binding contract or something. I also remember looking for a window to get some fresh air in the room. When you push things, guys may tell you what you want to hear but they'll also feel pressured and may start looking for ways out. Try to avoid these phrases that raise a red flag when spoken too early in a relationship. Calling him up and saying "Hi, it's me" after just the first, or second, or third date. Or saying 'we' a lot. If you're wondering about plans, ask "What's going on this weekend?" not "What are we doing this weekend?" Speed kills.

Being a Doormat
Don't put up with any crap. Just like you girls test us (we know you do it), guys will test things out to see what they can get away with. Your answer should be very little. He needs to understand that if he doesn't treat you with respect then he's not part of your plans. It's as simple as that. Don't be angry or controlling, that will drive him away, instead be firm and confident. For example, if he waits until the last minute to make plans with you don't say "You called too late, forget it!" but rather "Sorry I already made plans with ..., give me a little more notice next time and I'd love to." This goes for every aspect of the relationship; if you ever feel like you're not receiving the same amount of respect you're giving, stand up for yourself.

Being Easy
We're all programmed to want things that are difficult to catch, it makes them seem more valuable, right? If a girl is intimate with a guy right out of the gate he will assume she's done the same thing many, many times before and will move her from the 'Girlfriend' category to the 'Easy Sex' category. It doesn't matter what "an amazing" connection you're feeling, he's gotta work for it or he will think less of you. Is it fair? No. Is it reality? Yes.

The basic theme of this post is that guys don't really ask for a lot, just someone they can get along with, respect, and whose maintenance doesn't turn into a second job. So relax and have fun with us!

Meet the Parents

Today we have a guest post from one of our users who would like to remain anonymous. Let's call her...Stacy (she hated that so now we're calling her Penelope). Here are her tips for meeting your date's family:

This site already has good holiday dates and there are plenty of articles about Christmas gifts for relationships (some on this very site Dave notes), but there isn't a lot of advice about making a good impression with your new boyfriend or girlfriend's family. Since people usually meet for the first time during the holidays I thought I could offer common sense advice to help it go more smoothly.

Dress to Impress
That means conservatively and comfortably. You are not going to a nightclub and even if you have a great body, this is not the time to flaunt it. These are people you want to impress in other ways. Choose something that you can move around in without wondering if it will slip up or down (because you will have enough on your mind and can't afford to worry about a wardrobe malfunction).   

Show Some Personality
Everyone will like you just fine if you are the quieter, shyer type and don't say much during the family gathering. But why be afraid to really show them how charming and/or adorable you can be? Do give a full smile or laugh if someone is being funny and it might not hurt if you tell a few jokes or amusing tales yourself. If you're not always great around new people, ask your date what to expect in the way of conversation and activities so you can prepare.

Be a Contributor
This starts from the moment you walk in -- it might be a nice gesture to bring an appropriate gift (e.g. bottle of wine, fruit, box of chocolate). There is no need for an extravagant gift because you really don't want to come off as trying too hard to impress them or buy their affection. Also, don't just sit on the couch while there is hustle and bustle in the kitchen or elsewhere, volunteer to help set up or clean up.

Have respect
Respect elders and the family's cultural idiosyncracies and/or religious views. I was invited once to my then- fiance's family events for Easter. His family is Russian and attends a Russian Orthodox Church. During dinner they were prepping me for Church and said the common chant will be "Khristos Voskrese!", which means "Christ has risen". I tried it out a few times and then started laughing out loud because the easiest way for me to remember it was to translate it as "Christ was crazy". I couldn't help myself and told them what was going through my mind, but looking back, I think I may have offended a few.

Be Sincere, Be Honest
So with the anecdote above, it's obvious there are times when you should keep your thoughts to yourself, but as a general rule, be open and sincere. Do give compliments, but don't overdo it- if Aunt Bertha is wearing a horrid scarf, don't tell her it's gorgeous - a lot of people can see through that sort of effusive praise. Tangentially, don't lie to impress - if things go well, these might be people you will see quite often and if things go really really well, they might be family someday and will sooner or later know you almost as well as your partner does.

Be Clean
Regardless of what you did before the event, take a shower before you meet the folks. Please.

Be a Game Player
A lot of families have annual traditions that take place during the holidays. If you happen to find yourself invited to join in on one, don't be a wet blanket - do participate! (with good judgment, of course)

Go Easy on the Alcohol
You really really don't want to do anything that they will talk about for the next decade of family gatherings. Enough said?

Be Agreeable
I'd like to add one piece of advice to go with the "know when to keep your opinions to yourself" point above (it's Dave again). If the conversation touches on a hot button topic, this is not the time win an argument. Express your opinion tactfully (meat=murder doesn't count) and avoid getting drawn in by passionate family members.

Be Firm
Ok, I thought of one more for the guys. Be sure to give male family members a firm handshake and make eye contact when you're introduced - there's nothing worse than having dad think his daughter's dating weak sauce. And don't be afraid to hug the women back if they give you one, they're not going to break.

Great tips Penelope, thanks for contributing!

First Date Topics of Conversation

Nothing's worse than those awkward moments on a first date when you're getting the "So....." look from across the table. Having a few general topics lined up ahead of time can go a long way toward avoiding these moments. When focusing in on topics, choose ones that your date will enjoy discussing too, not just ones that will make you look good. This is an important point for guys because we generally try to impress women with our exploits instead of finding common ground. I know it's hard to believe, but your date will have much more fun talking about little things like movies you’ve both seen than listening to your impressive resume of accomplishments. Remember, people love to talk about themselves and their passions, not just listening to yours, so if you can figure out their favorite topics they will be more than happy to open up and share. Which is great for you btw, because you'll get to learn all about your date and decide whether or not you want to spend time with them in the future.

A few quick points about good conversations in general; remember to ask open-ended questions (not 'yes' or 'no' answers), never make your date feel like they're in an interview, and don't pursue topics that you can't intelligently discuss. In other words, don't ask your date what they're reading if you haven't picked up a book in 9 months because your contributions to the conversation will be a string of slack-jawed "Uh huh..."s. So in closing, don't dominate the conversation, ask open-ended questions, and it's not an interview. Here are some safe topics:

Food
If you're out to eat, food's always a safe and easy topic. Asking their favorite types can open up discussions about local restaurants, styles of cooking, and food preferences in general. Do you like the same kinds? Have they tried a certain restaurant that you know about? If they cook maybe you talk about their favorite meals to make from scratch or the best homemade cookies ever.

Travel
If you've had a chance to see some of the world, travel stories can provide a glimpse of your date's worldly, adventurous side. If not, everyone has places they've dreamed about seeing, find out theirs and why.

Family
Family is important to many people, learn about your date's by asking how big theirs is, what they do for fun when they're together, favorite memories, whether it's total chaos or mellow during the holidays, etc.

Entertainment
If you're going to be spending time with this person you might as well find out some of the things you'll be watching together. What do they consider the best movies of the year, top bands, TV series, books, actors, authors, and so forth.

Current Events
Try to steer clear of politics and religion on first dates but if you're up on world events or local ones like new clubs, restaurants, events, sports, and such, find out if they are too. It's a great opportunity to learn something!

Hobbies and Sports
We all have our own little collections of things to do in our spare time. Is your date an outdoor or indoor person? Do they like sporty fitness (basketball, volleyball), active fitness (hiking, biking), or working out at the gym? Or sitting on the couch? Do they volunteer, fish, knit, play pool, or collect coins?

Goals and dreams
This is a fun one that ranges from professional goals to travel and even personal growth. Throw it out there and see what happens!

Art
By art I don't mean whether they prefer Rembrandt or Van Gogh, it's more about discovering if your date has an artistic streak. See if they like photography, playing guitar or the piano, painting, designing jewelry, clothes, candle making, or whatever.

Their Weekend
Find out what they were up to this past weekend. It's a good way to learn about their usual activities and friends.

The Environment
If all else fails, sit back and take a look around. Sometimes the scenery, waiter, or that obnoxious couple two tables over make for a great conversation.