Meet the Parents
Today we have a guest post from one of our users who would like to remain anonymous. Let's call her...Stacy (she hated that so now we're calling her Penelope). Here are her tips for meeting your date's family:
This site already has good holiday dates and there are plenty of articles about Christmas gifts for relationships (some on this very site Dave notes), but there isn't a lot of advice about making a good impression with your new boyfriend or girlfriend's family. Since people usually meet for the first time during the holidays I thought I could offer common sense advice to help it go more smoothly.
Dress to Impress
That means conservatively and comfortably. You are not going to a nightclub and even if you have a great body, this is not the time to flaunt it. These are people you want to impress in other ways. Choose something that you can move around in without wondering if it will slip up or down (because you will have enough on your mind and can't afford to worry about a wardrobe malfunction).
Show Some Personality
Everyone will like you just fine if you are the quieter, shyer type and don't say much during the family gathering. But why be afraid to really show them how charming and/or adorable you can be? Do give a full smile or laugh if someone is being funny and it might not hurt if you tell a few jokes or amusing tales yourself. If you're not always great around new people, ask your date what to expect in the way of conversation and activities so you can prepare.
Be a Contributor
This starts from the moment you walk in -- it might be a nice gesture to bring an appropriate gift (e.g. bottle of wine, fruit, box of chocolate). There is no need for an extravagant gift because you really don't want to come off as trying too hard to impress them or buy their affection. Also, don't just sit on the couch while there is hustle and bustle in the kitchen or elsewhere, volunteer to help set up or clean up.
Have respect
Respect elders and the family's cultural idiosyncracies and/or religious views. I was invited once to my then- fiance's family events for Easter. His family is Russian and attends a Russian Orthodox Church. During dinner they were prepping me for Church and said the common chant will be "Khristos Voskrese!", which means "Christ has risen". I tried it out a few times and then started laughing out loud because the easiest way for me to remember it was to translate it as "Christ was crazy". I couldn't help myself and told them what was going through my mind, but looking back, I think I may have offended a few.
Be Sincere, Be Honest
So with the anecdote above, it's obvious there are times when you should keep your thoughts to yourself, but as a general rule, be open and sincere. Do give compliments, but don't overdo it- if Aunt Bertha is wearing a horrid scarf, don't tell her it's gorgeous - a lot of people can see through that sort of effusive praise. Tangentially, don't lie to impress - if things go well, these might be people you will see quite often and if things go really really well, they might be family someday and will sooner or later know you almost as well as your partner does.
Be Clean
Regardless of what you did before the event, take a shower before you meet the folks. Please.
Be a Game Player
A lot of families have annual traditions that take place during the holidays. If you happen to find yourself invited to join in on one, don't be a wet blanket - do participate! (with good judgment, of course)
Go Easy on the Alcohol
You really really don't want to do anything that they will talk about for the next decade of family gatherings. Enough said?
Be Agreeable
I'd like to add one piece of advice to go with the "know when to keep your opinions to yourself" point above (it's Dave again). If the conversation touches on a hot button topic, this is not the time win an argument. Express your opinion tactfully (meat=murder doesn't count) and avoid getting drawn in by passionate family members.
Be Firm
Ok, I thought of one more for the guys. Be sure to give male family members a firm handshake and make eye contact when you're introduced - there's nothing worse than having dad think his daughter's dating weak sauce. And don't be afraid to hug the women back if they give you one, they're not going to break.
Great tips Penelope, thanks for contributing!