Conversation Tips & Tricks

Lend me an ear. Conversation is the number 1 most important factor when trying to impress. Following these simple guidelines will increase chances of a longer or a second encounter. Happily, practice makes perfect. Sadly, rejection is part of life. Remember, only the strong survive.

Pickup lines are jokes for a reason. Don't use them!

"Hi, my name is..." When starting a conversation a simple "Hello, my name is..." always works. If you are not comfortable with that, try making a comment on the current surrounding scenery.

Accentuate your positives. Monitor your negatives. Always lead with your best foot forward.

If you are uncomfortable, most likely they are too. Either end the conversation politely or change the subject. If you are feeling they might be uncomfortable, ask them about something familiar like their family, pets, hobbies.

Silence is ok. Sometimes a little silence is nice. If the conversation takes a lull, its totally ok to just be calm while you think of the next topic. Don't try to force it.

Try to keep an equal word count. I'm a talker, so this is one thing I struggle with the most. If you know you are a wordy person like myself, try to ask more questions and make your answers more brief. If they want you to expand, they'll ask. If you know you are more on the quiet side, try to elaborate more on things.

Conversational Suicide
In my years of personal dating experience and observing the efforts of other singles, I have heard countless offenses of what I deem "conversational suicide."

This verbal crime can be defined as what single men and women say on a first date that will usually lead to a lack of a second date. Below I have listed the two most common, and worst, examples I have witnessed uttered by each sex. And no, these are not recommendations - these are warnings.

What not to Say

Don't Tell Jokes

Don't tell your IQ/LSAT/GMAT scores.

Don't lie.

Don't tell how much or how little money you make.

Don't Tell Jokes! A punch line is the easiest way to kill a conversation.

What Single Men Say

I am boring you, aren't I? Don't ask; just change the subject into something she would be more interested in talking about. You are showing weakness, and if she really was bored (which she probably is), then would you really want the honest answer? In this situation, bring up something new or, even better, ask her about herself and stop talking about yourself.

It's not in my plan to get divorced. Does anyone really have a determined plan to get divorced? I think that goes without saying, so just don't go there. Stop predicting the future and work at generating a successful present.

What Single Women Say

I swear I never do this. A girl will usually say this after she has done something she is not proud of. In most cases, don't believe her. If she says it, it usually means she did something outside of her realm of comfort. It does not mean she has never done it before - it most cases, it means she has done it before.

So, what are your thoughts on marriage? Just stop; if you really want to know, then find a subtle way to ask without actually asking, especially if you are on a first date. On the third date or so, it's OK to bring up the great/awful marriage your parents have and how you envy or have learned from it. If he then chimes in, you can read between the lines and gather his thoughts.

Some Examples

Be careful when stretching the truth!