The Approach

One example: On a midday shopping trip, I was at Banana Republic when I spotted a cute guy looking very perplexed by the sweater selection. Later, in the dressing room, I overheard him asking the sales girl for help. Seizing the opportunity, I excused myself into the dressing room where I explained that helping men shop is one of my occupational specialties and began to help him select the perfect outfit for his upcoming job interview. We ended up dating for months and remain friends to this day. The moral of this story: Don’t let an opportunity pass you by!

It really breaks down into two phases: the spark and the approach.

The Spark

A good rule of thumb when seeing someone you are attracted to is to identify some sort of positive acknowledgment – any sort of eye contact, smile or glance. Look also for some shift in body movement, like whether their shoulders face in your direction or that they stay in your line of sight. Receiving some sort of spark signal before approaching may help to relieve your anxieties and feel as if the approach is welcome.

A Tip: Be cautious, however, when trying to establish this connection. Too much attention or focus can give the wrong impression. If unable to make a "spark", either wait it out and try again or go straight for the approach.

The Approach

When initiating a conversation with any unknown person, "Hello, my name is..." is always a great choice. It shows confidence with a slight vulnerability and is the perfect ice breaker. Don't forget, confidence is key! If you are confident in your approach, the response is usually favorable. Pick up lines are jokes for a reason. I do believe at one point these "ice breakers" may have been effective, but they have reached a point where they do not warrant the same joke-like response and instead are seen as predictable and generic. There is a big difference between telling a joke and saying something funny.

If you are approaching a group, you should be focused on the person you are interested in. Make sure your are flirting or approaching that specific person in the group, but always be open to a hand off. The person that originally caught your eye may be in a relationship or uninterested, but don't throw out all your chips. Be flexible.

If you do feel a connection, take the initiative and suggest a more intimate conversation setting ("Let's grab that table and you tell me more about ____.") or an exchange of contact information. If they aren't interested, that's all right. Politely end the interaction and chalk it up to experience.

In the end, it is all about trial and error and finding what works best for you. Just remember, if you are open, honest and confident in yourself and your approach – eventually, you will find success.

****My favorite clip from comedienne Anjelah Johnson talking about getting hit on by guys of different ethnicities:

Authored by Loxie Gant

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