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Is it okay if my boyfriend doesn't like my friends?

asked in Relationship Advice by:
Jez (under 18 yrs) - August 29, 2010
I have this boyfriend. We've been dating for a year, and I'm so in love with him, and he's in love with me. Just one problem. He doesn't like my friends. Well, he doesn't like 2 of my friends. The problem is they're my best friends, the girls I see every other day, the girls I talk about my feelings with, the girls I trust. But, he doesn't like them at all, matter of fact he HATES one of them. Okay, by now your probably thinking, is there a reason to why he hates them. Well, there are a couple, but their not that serious in my point a view. Okay, well, to put it in short, he doesn't like my friends for the simple fact that they make stupid decisions. They drink and smoke and have sex. Both of them, dated 2 of his best friends and both of them broke up with his best friends. Sometimes I think he doesn't like them because his best friends talk sh*t about them. But, he says it's not that. I do admit they do make stupid decisions, but who doesn't? He doesn't even want to be around them, sometimes he even tries to convince me to drop them as friends and make his friends into my best friends. His friends are nice but I don't see myself as "best friends" with them, after all every couple needs their own friends. Well, this is turning out to be very long. I just wanted to ask, is it healthy for my boyfriend to dislike 2 of my friends?

P.S. Those are the only 2 friends he doesn't like, all the rest are fine to him.

Answers
Dave (35 - 39 yrs) - August 29, 2010
Sometimes people don't like their boy/girlfriend's friends because they want to isolate them and become more important in their lives, but this doesn't sound like that at all. He has some legitimate reasons for his feelings but that doesn't mean you can't stay friends with these other girls. I also like your opinion that couples need their own friends, sounds like you're doing fine.
Cindy (18 - 24 yrs) - September 2, 2010
I think it is okay for him not to like your two friends as long as he doesn't try to make it so you can't see them. Also he possibly might disprove of their choices because he doesn't want you making the same ones when he isn't around you and you are with them. Although I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half and sure he doesn't like some of my friends but if he didn't get along with my girlfriends I don't think our relationship would be as good. What you need to think about is the fact that if you want this relationship to last the important people in your life do need to get along. Good luck :)
Cindy (25 - 29 yrs) - August 20, 2011
Part:1

Isn't it obvious? Your boyfriend is only worried about the bad influence your "girlfriend" might turn you into one of them, the casual sex, love today, dump tomorrow, smoke, clubbing. Personally i think he's sweet and you're lucky to have such kind boyfriend that actually bother to spend time worrying about you. It's true he's an worry wart, but he's definitely worrying for the right thing. I had the same case back then when i was dating my husband, i was once a wild girl too. Well good girl to begin with until i went to college, and met some new "girlfriends", my boyfriend (my current husband) and i were having long distance relationship, He's studying at one part of the world while i'm at the other. So we rarely talk because back then i was too busy with my "girlfriend", so i end up not replying most of his message leaving him hanging by his phone for days/weeks while my "girlfriend" brought me to go clubbing, shisha session, late night outing till 2am and even lied to him about my where about just so i can hang out (my girlfriends idea) Leaving him in the dark not knowing hows my condition, try to think how he would feel? Trying taking the time to think what your boyfriend sees in your friends, and why he doesn't like them. Everything in this world always have an answer to "why". I remember the time when my "girlfriend" told me ditch my boyfriend just because we're having long distant relation and it hurt so much. They even went through the trouble trying to match me with some of their ex boyfriends whom their main and only goal is sex through attempts trying to touch me "there" during our outings at cinema, clubbing and even swimming. So much for "supportive" girlfriend. I'm glad my boyfriend was the patience kind. When i got back during summer break, he decided to talk to me about it. He told me he was worried about me, not because i'm cheating, but the bad influence of those girls and what might happen to me out there in places such as the club (after hearing so many date rape cases going on lately), so We both did some agreement, i've decided to ditch my "girlfriends" and tried so change for the better. So we got married and we're both happy, no guilt no dark secret.

Cindy (25 - 29 yrs) - August 20, 2011
Now you listen girl, those "girlfriend" or yours are bad apple, sluts/whore some might call. They threat relationship as a joke just for the fun of it. If you're serious about your relation, dump those friends cuz there's plenty other good friends out there. As for your soul-mate, there's only one in this world that'll suit you and he's probably the one. Give him some attention, don't ignore him. Talk to him about what he's worry about. Don't just jump to conclusion.

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